That movie Contracted on Netflix (SPOILERS)

This was the absolute worst shit I’ve ever seen in my life. 

how this bitch pussy been spilling blood, its cold, it has maggots in it, and it smells like rottten death and this dumb ass white boy fucks her anyway. 

Not to mention her lip was hanging off and her veins were popping out

I can’t stand movies where the characters just do dumb shit that a normal person wouldn’t do in their entire life.

This bitch teeth came out of her mouth, her hair was falling out, and instead of going to the doctor she GOES TO WORK. 

If I have a fucking hangnail I’m calling off.

I can’t deal with people in movies. 

0.0 out of 10

Do not recommend

#155 - 8MM

I’ve only seen this movie once before in the late 90s when I was a kid. I remember being really disturbed by it and I never watched it again. The “snuff” scenes where women were raped/murdered left an impression on me and I didn’t like it. I remember seeing the glassy look in the asian woman’s eyes after she’d been butchered to death. 

So last night, 15 years later I decided to watch it again to see if I still felt the same way.

Let me tell you how the internet has desensitized me over the years. I was sitting there sipping lemonade eating cheetos with not a care in the world. 

Certain parts of this movie were so fucking corny, especially the big confrontation at the end between the good guys and the bad guys. I was rolling my eyes at some of the acting. It was laughable. 

James Gandolfini was good in this flick though. 

Rating: 6 out of 10

#154 - The Act Of Killing

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If you want a basic summary of what this documentary is. Imagine if Germany won WW2, and the Nazi soldiers got to grow old and live normal lives, and then in their old age they decided to make a movie about the fucked up and vile things they did to jews. 

After watching the Oscar best documentary winner 20 Feet From Stardom earlier, I decided to watch a few other nominees in the category. I posted the trailer to this movie last summer and I’ve been wanting to see it for a long time. (BTW, the trailer doesn’t do this movie justice at all)

It’s a fucking CRIME that this shit didn’t win. 

Absolutely criminal. 

It’s truly some of the most disturbing shit I’ve seen in a long time. Not disturbing in the blood/gore sense, because in its most basic form, this movie is nothing but old Asian men talking to each other for 3 hours. It’s just the nonchalant and indifferent manner in which they talk about all of the people they killed. Most of them show absolutely no remorse whatsoever.

There’s one scene where a group of them sit around and talk about how they used to rape teenage girls, they were smiling and slapping each other on the backs like they were reminiscing on an old TV show they liked. 

If you have a short attention span you may find it hard to get through this at times because its really long, and the entire thing is subtitled. But I highly recommend it. 

Rating: 9 out of 10

#153 - 20 Feet From Stardom

I’ve been meaning to watch this for a couple of months now, when it won best documentary at the Oscars I figured I should probably get on it. It’s a documentary about backup singers, their role in music history, and their struggle to have a career of their own. 

The film starts out a little slow and during the first 15-20 minutes or so I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get through the entire thing. Things start to pick up and get interesting about 30% of the way through the film. If you’re a fan of old school music (60s-70s) you’ll really enjoy a lot of the stories they tell. 

Overall it was okay, good/great but not amazing. 

Rating: 7 out of 10

#152 - TalHotBlond

If you enjoyed documentaries like The Imposter and Catfish, you’ll probably enjoy this too. It’s about an internet love triangle that ends in a murder. 

Shit gets real on these here internets when pussy is involved, son. I love True Crime documentaries, I might Google some more to see what I can find. 

Can’t really talk about the film in depth without spoilers so yeah. 

It’s on Netflix 

Rating: 7.5/10

#151 - Street Fighter: The Movie

After reading that fascinating behind-the-scenes article about how this movie turned out to be a steaming pile of shit, I felt compelled to go back and watch it with a fresh set of eyes, with full knowledge of all the mishaps, errors, and difficulties the crew faced putting it together. 

The movie is still a hunk of shit, but when you’re afforded the opportunity to adjust your expectations accordingly you’re really able to appreciate the final product. 

The fact that there are almost zero special effects is still unforgivable. No flashkick or hadouken fireballs blew my high. 

They spent the whole movie turning Blanka into a beast and we don’t get to see him cannonball ONE nigga before it goes off. 

I really think they could remake this movie, give it a darker tone and make it Rated-R and it would be fucking awesome. Raul Julia did a good job as Bison considering the movie was Rated-PG, but he still seemed a little “broadway-ish”. Like he was ready to bust out a showtune at any time. 

Imagine how dope it’d be if they gave Bison a Bane from Dark Knight type of makeover. 

Anyways, I’m rambling about Street Fighter. 

Rating: 5 out of 10. Still shitty, but less shitty after you read the article

#150 - Nymphomaniac

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In good faith I can’t really recommend that anyone watch this movie. That doesn’t mean that it was bad, because I really enjoyed watching it but I know that it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

It’s a 4 hour film about a female sex addict who is telling her life’s story through flashbacks and how she ended up where she is today. The sex scenes are incredibly graphic, they show full penetration on the x-rated tip. However, the tone of the movie really saps all of the “sexiness” out. It’s graphic but not pornographic. There are a lot of penises. 

If you’re an American who can watch European films without getting bored (because we all know the tone of our films are pretty different) then you can probably enjoy this. There’s a whiff of pretentiousness but its honestly not as bad as I thought it was going to be on that front. 

The Uma Thurman cameo was one of the most awkwardly hilarious things I’ve seen in ages and it was the best part of the film IMO.

The ending was fairly terrible (and didnt make a lot of sense), but with this movie its really not about the destination, its all about the journey. 

The movie is mostly depressing, at times unsettling. 

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

#149 - Side Effects

This is a thriller film about a woman who is suffering from depression and suicidal tendencies. She gets some new meds from her shrink that fix all of her problems, except one of the side effects is sleepwalking. One night she ends up stabbing her husband to death while sleepwalking and is arrested.

After that tragedy, fingers start to get pointed at who’s to blame. Is the pharmaceutical at fault? or her doctor who prescribed? or is she just a killer?

Shit starts to get a little crazy from that point on. The movie moves really slowly at first but you have to stick it out for a minute and then it gets interesting in a hurry. I wouldn’t recommend watching this late at night if you’re sleepy cause you might not make it through the first 30 minutes.

It’s worth it though.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

I’m embedding the full movie below. The link may not last long though so YMMV

#148 - Dirty Wars

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(watching this interview will probably let you know if you’re interested in seeing this documentary or not) 

After watching the aforementioned interview with author/director/investigative journalist Jeremy Scahill on HBO earlier this year, it piqued my interest in checking out his Dirty Wars book/movie on US foreign policy and our industrial military industrial complex. 

At the heart of the matter the documentary explores the fucked up methods the U.S uses to kill people with little regards for collateral damage or due process. America’s military is doing more harm than good all in the name of “fighting terrorism” so politicians in Washington can look like they’re doing something useful and keeping people happy. We’ve created 20x more enemies with our behavior than we would have had if we’d taken a different approach that didn’t involve guns blazing.  

It’s pretty disgusting all the way around. 

Here’s  the full documentary if you want to watch it. 

Rating: 8 out of 10

#147 - Man Of Steel

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This isn’t a review. It’s a rant. I have to discuss a mild spoiler that is not integral to the movie and probably won’t ruin anything for anyone. 

Superman’s Daddy’s death scene was the most infuriating and pointless thing I’ve seen in a film this entire year. I was really just staring at this shit happen like, “REALLY?… REALLY!!!?!?!?!

Superman had already spent years performing real nigga acts of heroism all around the country without a disguise like it was no problem. But when it comes time to save his stepfather who is about to die. He just stands there and watches and LETS him die when he could have zipped over there and saved him in 2 seconds. 

It literally made zero sense. 

Superman’s stepfather wanted to die because he was probably sick of his wife’s pussy after all those years. When you’re trapped in a loveless marriage you will run into the middle of a category 5 tornado and tell your alien stepson not to exert 3% of his energy to save you. 

That scene was a total crock of shit. 

The rest of the movie was cool doe.

Rating: 7.4 out of 10

Rating If That Death Scene Never Happened: 8 out of 10

#146 - Starship Troopers

Starship Troopers is a cheesy, badly acted, glorified B-movie…. but it very well may be in my top 35 movies of all time. It’s one of the rare times where you’ll find a bad film that is self aware, it knows exactly what it is and what its supposed to do. As if the movie knows how people will receive it and they’re in on the joke too. You get to see kick ass action sequences with giant bugs but you also get the criticism of America’s propaganda and brainwashing of its citizens through blind patriotism. 

Random Dope Shit About This Movie

  1. Co-Ed shower scenes with that Black girl who had big titties that sagged the perfect amount. They weren’t fake and perky but they weren’t swaying around her waist either. 
  2. Dizz was Ronda Rousey before Ronda Rousey was Ronda Rousey. Dizz was a down ass bitch but Rico was too busy chasing rich pussy who didn’t want him. 
  3. The propaganda videos were excellent
  4. Hank from Breaking Bad in this movie and he pretty much plays the exact same character. 
  5. THE BLACK DUDE WHIPPING THE BLONDE WHITE BOY LIKE KUNTA KINTE IN ROOTS

Rating: 8.5 out of 10

#145 - White House Down

I had absolutely zero intentions of ever watching this, but during a moment of boredom I happened to come across a bootleg copy on YouTube so I just went for it. Being that the premise is exactly the same as Olympus Has Fallen, I didn’t really feel like I needed to waste another two hours of my life.

But here we are nonetheless. 

This is one of those movies where you just have to turn your brain off and enjoy it. If you choose to watch this through the lens of logic and common sense you’ll only frustrate yourself. The acting is below average, the CGI kind of sucks, and although it isn’t oozing with xenophobic rah-rah patriotism like Olympus Has Fallen…… some of the shit in this movie is BEYOND cheesy. 

With all of that said, if you just wanna watch some dumb shit thats entertaining then this will hold you down. It’s not as good as Olympus Has Fallen but it is a “funner” movie if that makes sense. 

Rating: 6 out of 10

#144 - Curse Of Chucky

I was thrilled when I found out they were making a new Chucky movie but when they announced the news that it was straight to video, there was a slight damper on my hopes because I was afraid of what the quality of the film would be like. My lone hope was the fact that the people behind the original Child’s Play films were making this one too, so hopefully they wouldn’t let it turn into a piece of shit. 

To my disappointment, some parts of the movie DEFINITELY screamed “this is a B-Movie”, shit made me cringe. Especially when they went into explaining the backstory of Charles Lee Ray. Everything looked so unintentionally campy and the actor had a bad wig on. 

Although they completely ditched the comedic aspects from Seed Of Chucky and Bridge Of Chucky, I still didn’t find this movie to be scary whatsoever. There were no jump scares or creepy suspense building that you’d get from an AAA quality horror film. 

It wasn’t terrible, it was just disappointing because I’m a big Chucky fan. 

Also, the death scenes were not creative or entertaining to watch at all. 

You can skip it. 

Rating: 5 out of 10

#143 - Malcolm X

Easily and comfortably in my top 6 movies of all time. I’ve watched it at least a dozen times, if not more. Just so happened to come on the other day and it’s one of those films where once I start watching it then I have to let it finish. 

The scene that gets me every time is when the nation is trying to get Malcolm to be quiet about The Honorable Elijah Muhammad fucking all those women and Malcolm asks Brother Baines “who needs the nutmeg now?”

And then Brother Baines looks at him like, “nigga we gone clap you if you don’t be quiet”

and then Malcolm looks back at him like, “do what you gotta do homie”

Hits me in my feels every time. 

Basically all the scenes between Malcolm and Baines were dope. The shower scene where they meet, the dictionary scene, etc

Rating: 10 out of 10

#142 - Color Outside The Lines: A Tattoo Documentary

Watch Full Movie On YouTube: http://youtu.be/WsmmjfI6cpM

Is it possible to be a tattoo snob without actually having any tattoos? At least 7 times out of 10 I see someone else’s tat I think to myself, “that shit is terrible” but outloud I’m like, “oh yeah thats coo” or I deflect and ask them a question “how much did that cost?”… anything that allows me to not tell them what I really think. 

I would recommend this documentary to anyone interested in Black art and not that coon ass bullshit they were airing on VH1 in recent times. I’m no artist but I can appreciate the in depth look into the stories of artists, and techniques and the differences between tattooing on Black skin vs. White skin and all that jazz. 

Some parts of the movie were kind of slow and dragging but overall it was dope. 

Rating: 6.8 out of 10