Searching For The Perfect Movie Hoodrat

Nobody wants to sleep with hoodrats, they may be sexy and tempting but their very existence comes with inherent dangers like jealous ex boyfriends named Mookie and having to pay for their next sew in. 

So while I stay away from real life Shaquandas, I still lust after the ones portrayed in movies. Last night I was thinking about who’d be the perfect movie hoodrat to have sex with. You have to weigh the potential pussy potency and the amount of danger you’d expose yourself to by having her in your life. 

The Candidates

Joi from Friday
Pussy Rating: 7.5 out of 10
Crazy Bitch Rating: 7 out of 10 

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Yeah, Joi was annoying as hell but I don’t think there’s any doubt that she could probably throw that pussy like Cam Newton in bed. Joi was almost the perfect kind of hoodrat to be with, she was ghetto as hell but didn’t really pose any life threatening danger to you. She might slash your tires and cuss your mama out a few times but that’s your mama’s problem, not yours. 

Random Hoodrat in Boyz In The Hood
Pussy Rating: 8 out of 10
Crazy Bitch Rating: 2 out of 10

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Everyone loves this type of woman, the church girl who finally breaks away from her family’s teachings and decides to become a raging slut on the low. They’re the ones who don’t miss a drop of cum. But wait… 

I’m still trying to figure out how her pussy odor is so strong that her grandma smelled it from all the way downstairs? Remember that shit?

This bitch was douching with chitlin juice or something.

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Kesha from New Jack City
Pussy Rating: 6.5 (with potential loyalty boost up to 10) 
Crazy Bitch Rating: 10 out of 10 

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Kesha had all the appearances of a complete psychotic bitch which would drive any sane man away, but there were little parts of the movie that showed she was simply being loyal and possessed compassion. If she’s loyal enough to blow a man’s head off in broad daylight for Nino, she would theoretically lick your asshole too you gained her trust. 

This is high risk/high reward pussy. 

Halle Berry in BAPS
Pussy Rating: 9 out of 10
Crazy Bitch Rating: 0 out of 10 

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So fucking hot, she’s one of those fixer-upper hoodrats that you could possibly turn into someone you can take to a company party without her embarrassing you. The downside is she seemed like the type who got pregnant on purpose. Ultimately, she didn’t provide enough danger to make it all worth it. 

Rosie Perez in White Men Can’t Jump
Pussy Rating: 9 out of 10
Crazy Bitch Rating: 7 out of 10 


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She had a lot of pros and cons man. On one hand she was physically stunning, dimples, big titties, sex appeal, etc. On the other hand she was the kind of bitch to always get in your face. This is the kind of woman you end up spending the night in jail over some domestic violence shit. 

She’d be a good jump off, never a girlfriend. Plus she let corny white boys hit it and you can’t walk around holding her hand after that.

Roni in The Players Club
Pussy Rating: 10 out of 10
Crazy Bitch Rating: 9 out of 10

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This is the kind of bitch that will eat your sister’s pussy on Chat Roulette as an act of revenge because you didn’t loan her $500 to go to the Gucci Mane concert. Stay away at all costs.

Vengeful Skeezer in Baby Boy
Pussy Rating: 8 out of 10
Crazy Bitch Rating: 8 out of 10 

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She’s a crazy bitch, but its more of a nuisance than actual danger. She is basically Mhissy from Catfish. Nut in that pussy and hope her baby has a birth defectso it doesnt make it

Dashiki from Don’t Be A Menace
Pussy Rating: 3 out of 10
Crazy Bitch Rating: 4 out of 10 

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Bitch had like 9 kids, I bet you could Drill Zutsuki headfirst in that pussy like Dhalsim. 

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Her baby hairs are her saving grace…. they get me going. 

Kesha from Belly
Pussy Rating: 10 out of 10
Crazy Bitch Rating: 5 out of 10 

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The holy grail of hoodrat pussy. Not only was she sexy as shit, she held her man down through the roughest times.

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